Tuesday, April 3, 2007

How wrong Is This?

I hate my body. I always have. It doesn't matter if I weigh 150 pounds or 117 pounds (and yes, I've been both within the last year), I hate it. I know that I have a distorted self-image. Do we all? Is there any person out there who can look at themselves naked in the mirror and say, "Damn! I look great!"? Ok, let's be more specific - are women capable of this? Or is this just something else that fad diet programs and surgical centers are trying to persuade us is a real possibility.

In my case, it's more about what I think than anyone else. In other instances - other people's opinions matter to me. I look for approval in my career, I look for compliments in my cooking, I look for people to tell me how great my children are, but when it comes to my body - nobody else knows what they're talking about. People tell me that it doesn't look like I've put any of the weight I lost back on - I dismiss this as them being nice and I know the truth. People (even in doctor's offices) tell me they wish they weighed what I do - I think I chose the wrong doctor's office if they think this is good.

I do not walk around my house naked. Again, not because anyone else might see me and think "Ewwww" - but because *I* might see me (damn mirrors) and think "Ewwwwwwwwww!" (Had to throw in a few extra, there).

Now, I know there are health risks of being overweight - but I'm not really OVER weight - just got a little extra. I have the energy to keep up with my family, I don't get sick a lot, I have low blood pressure, low cholesterol, I don't eat red meat, I walk and hike fairly regularly.

So, here's my question for the day. I'm on yet another healthy eating kick (it's what helped me lose the weight in the first place) - but why? If I'm going to feel the same way whether I've a BMI of 18 or of 24 - if I'm going to feel the same way in a size 4 or a 12 - why bother? Why give up all the foods that I love and that everyone else seems to get to enjoy if my internal picture of me is never going to develop into anything else?


CC said...

Because you really don't feel the same. Exercise makes you feel better about yourself. It just does. And that has nothing to do with your size and everything to do with your brain. It decreases depression. It heightens your sex drive. There is a difference, and that is why you bother. Try sitting on the couch for weeks, plural. Then see how you feel compared to the you who hikes and moves and breathes. Big difference.

alienbody said...

I'm such a goober. I tried posting a comment and it disappeared into cyberspace (along with my slim former self). So, this time I'll just say that there are bigger demons wrestling around in your noggin than just the evil media and it's constant pressuring to be wafer thin. I know that I am affected by it, too...but ultimately, I believe my self image issues lie deep within me and I have a hard time blaming the media alone. That being said, it's a lot easier and less traumatic to blame the media, so instead of delving into my psyche, I'll just blame Hollywood. Works for me!!