Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Have you ever met anyone who actually could look in a mirror and decide they looked good?

My friend that was just here is a beautiful woman. Everyone says so. Everyone but her. My friend M is a beautiful woman who can get her husband heated up in a moments notice - but does she think she looks good?

I look in the mirror and I see bad skin, too much weight around my belly, frizzy hair, etc. That's not all I am, and I logically know this, but still - that's what I see.

So I ask again, does anyone ever look in a mirror and decide they look good? Of course not - if that were the case the diet industry would be non-existent, the cosmetics companies would be out of business, and clothing would be a hell of a lot cheaper.

Why can't I just accept myself for the way I am? Why will I pass up candy in exchange for a Lean Cuisine for lunch? Why do I spend $75 a month on skin care? Why do I buy exercise equipment?

I bet if I added all the money I've spent to make myself look better, I could have just purchased a voluntary lobotomy - and I'd have been happier.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Old Friends

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of showing off my town (and nearby coolness) to my college roommate. She and her daughter found themselves with some extra time - so they hopped in the car for a quick 12 hour drive and stayed with D and I for the weekend.

In between the highlights of the visit, which included the Farmer's Market, an arts and crafts festival on the square, a trip to Jerome and Sedona, were what some might consider to be the low points of the weekend, but those were the parts I liked the best:

Sitting on the couch, sometimes with a glass of wine, sometimes not, sitting at the kitchen table dipping pita chips into hummus, watching an 11 year old lead my 6 year old around on a leash, as if she were a puppy, and laughing. Lots and lots of laughing. Kids laughing, adults laughing, some reminiscing, some new jokes, but beneath it all was a sense of history.

New friends are terrific, they just don't know you like the ones who knew you when you were young and carefree. The ones that knew you before the bad relationships, the horrendous fear that comes with knowing you're responsible for another person (or two), the weight of bills resting on your shoulders. The ones that knew you when all you had to worry about was shaking off a hang over and getting to class.

I don't have a lot of friends, I was never that kind of person. However, I have some really terrific ones - pretty much one or two from each of the major categories in my life. One from grammar school, two from high school, one from college, one from the beginning of my career. Maybe not a lot in numbers, but immeasurable in support and love.

Thank you for coming to visit Kim! I hope you got as much out of it as I did!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Hmm... This sounds familiar


Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

She's so hateful...

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Why haven't I been writing?

I am in a strange place these days.

I'm either really happy and just enjoying it too much to write about it, or I'm cranky and annoyed and don't want to commit anything in writing that I won't want to read later.

Strange, isn't it?

Is there a happy medium or am I destined for one of those roller coaster kinds of lives - where there are amazing highs and frightening lows, but not a whole lot in the middle.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I probably wouldn't want the middle of the road life either, would I? Isn't middle of the road just a nice way of saying routine? Isn't routine just a nice way of saying dull?

OK, so let's say that I'm resigned to a life of mountains and valleys - how do I remind myself when I'm at the bottom of a valley that there's another mountain around the corner? Maybe that's what I needed to put in writing.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A New Post

My dear friend has been on my case to write a new post. Having either nothing I want to talk about or nothing to talk about at all... I am stealing from Dina.


Here's the deal....

1: Type in “[your name] needs” in the Google search:
Lizabeth needs a job, but is either over or undereducated, depending on the prospective employer.

This is from a book by Janet Evanovich, funnily enough - I just read it last month!

2: Type in “[your name] looks like” in Google search:
Liz looks like a rockstar with slurpees.

Lizabeth wouldn't work on that one - but still... I like it - a rock star with slurpees...

3: Type in “[your name] does” in Google search:
Liz Does Her Back In.

Is this revenge or physical torment on oneself? I could go either way.

4: Type in “[your name] hates” in Google search:
Lizbeth hates doing anything the quick-and-dirty way. In fact, she generally hates to be in a hurry at all.

True - I don't like to be in a hurry, and I hate to be late. However, there is something to be said for shortcuts!

5: Type in “[your name] goes to” in Google search:
Liz goes to Doubleday in Landisbury PA (near Carlyle) to play baseball.

Well, I guess if I was going to go play baseball, Pennsylvania is as good as anywhere.

6. Type in “[your name] eats” in Google search:
Liz eats Horseradish.

This is a video on You Tube I guess. Wow, people really will film themselves doing anything, won't they?

7: Type in “[your name] has” in Google search:
Lizabeth has her mother to herself.

Actually, now that she lives in Maine, I don't really anymore.

8: Type in “[your name] died” in Google Search:
He said there was no evidence of how Lizabeth died.

I don't know if this is supposed to count, but it's the first one.

9: Type in “[your name] will” in Google search:
Liz will always be watching over you both and she will live on through that beautiful daughter of yours.

Kinda creepy.

Does that count as something? At least until I'm ready to talk more.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I Know... I know...

But come on... this is funny!

Friday, May 9, 2008


The rules say you can only type one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? D
3. Your hair? frizzy
4. Your Skin? Casper
5.Your mother? healthier
6. Your favorite thing? giggling
7. Your dream last night? dark
8. Your favorite drink? Diet
9. Your dream/goal? Freedom
10. The room you're in? Office
11. Your ex? Weasel
12. Your fear? accidents
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Home
14. Where were you last night? Bed
15. What you're not? Easy
16. Muffins? Blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? Time
18. Where you grew up? Cali
19. The last thing you did? Talk
20. What are you wearing? Raspberry
21. Your TV? Off
22. Your pet(S)? cat
23. Your computer? Pictures
24. Your life? Complicated
25. Your mood? Fragile
26. Missing someone? Always
27 Your car? MommyCar
28. Something you're not wearing? Ring
29 Favorite Store? Giftcard
30. Your summer? Full
31. Like someone? Lots
32. Your favorite color? purple
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? Yesterday
35. Who will/would re-post this? Sadie?

Your turn, ladies (and Gentelmen - but there's only one I know that reads this that has a Blog, and he barely updates it. Right, Andrew?) But Debbie, Sadie, Christine, Dina, Melissa, you know who you are!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


I hate Wednesday mornings, but I love Wednesday evenings. How is this possible?

Wednesday morning is the last morning I have with my kids before they go to dad's house for a couple of days. Well, unless, of course, he's asked me to take them extra (which is pretty much a weekly thing).

My last kid hug for the duration happens on the sidewalk in front of the school. My last kiss is one that is pretty quick, after all there are friends to be played with. My last hug is bumpy with books and morning snacks. My last "I love you" is returned as they go flying down the sidewalk to play.

Then I go to work. There are no kisses, no hugs, no "I love you"s - well, ok, sometimes there are, but usually only if an employee wants something.

However, on Wednesday night, there's a transition. Now it's just me and D. An adult evening, where language isn't censored, where kissing is not followed by a pipsqueak voice saying "That's Disgustin'!"

This week's Wednesday will be spent keeping one eye on the Sundogs score, as they play game 3 in the cup finals in Colorado. Hopefully, the other one will be closed - after all it's kind of rude to keep your eyes open when kissing, isn't it?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Bad, bad, mommy

I am.

I am a bad mommy.

I am rooting for rain. My son has a "Coach Pitch" little league game tonight, and I am really hoping it will be called on account of rain.

This is a terrible thing to wish. Especially, since this is only the third game on the season. However, if you have never watched a little league game of "coach pitch" with a bunch of 7 year olds, please don't judge.

Let's start with the basic rules of this game. Everyone plays. Good rule. Everyone bats. Good rule. There are no outs. BAD, BAD rule! An inning means each kid on every team swings until they hit a fair ball. There are 14 kids on each team. There may be 15 - 20 pitches before a kid hits the ball. Are ya with me here?

Now, when it's my son's turn, it's a great few minutes - but the other 27 kids? Well, let's just say the mind does tend to wander...

Add to this that these games happen at 5:30. I get out of work at 5:00, and my child's day care is a 20 minute drive (when the gods of traffic are on my side). From there, this game is another 10 minute drive away. Somewhere in there, the child in question needs to don his baseball uniform. Add to this, that the ex feels the need to go to the games, even when it's not his day with the kids (don't get me started on that right now...) Add to this, that it's Tuesday. Which means both kids will have swum today in a pool that has to be just as much urine as water, and I get totally grossed out and prefer to immediately toss them into a shower, but won't have that opportunity until at least 7:00 tonight.

Oh, and somewhere in there, I need to feed them, make sure homework gets done, and find some time for myself...

Yep, rain sure sounds good...

Monday, April 28, 2008


Now that I've been (more or less) Blogging a little more frequently, I looked about my page, and found something that made me think...

This is what I had to say when I started: "Who am I? Well, that's not one of the questions I've got a good answer for. To some, I'm a mom, to others, I'm a friend, to others I'm a wife, to some a boss, to others an employee. Who am I to me? That's what I'm hoping to figure out."

Well, through this and a lot of other things, I think I have a better idea of who I am, and at least one of those titles have definitely changed. I am no longer anyone's wife.

There's something about that word, though, isn't there? It's clear. There is no ambiguity about a wife or a husband. You don't wonder... Do they live together? Are they getting married? If so, when?

I have someone in my life that I adore, and yet there isn't a title that I like for him. Boyfriend sounds so juevenile, and considering the things we are dealing with on a regular basis, doesn't say enough to me. "Partner" sounds gay. Not sarcastically, just really sounds like a same-sex relationship. "Lover" offers more details than I think I would prefer on an introduction, and "Friend" just doesn't say nearly enough.

So Ladies and Gentlemen - I'm on a quest. Give me a better word! This is your Mission!

Friday, April 25, 2008

April 25, 2008

Today is April 25th. This is the wedding anniversary of my very dear friends, M & J. Not only is it a wedding anniversary - this is their 16th wedding anniversary.

Theirs goes in the books as one of the best marriages I know. I'm sure they argue, I'm sure they go through times when they don't see enough of each other, I'm sure they go through times when it's all about the kids, and not enough about them. However, that's the key, there, isn't it... they go THROUGH these rough patches, and come out the other side.

What is the secret, M?

Happy Anniversary, M and J, from your very green friend in AZ.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Game of Life

Now, I'm not talking about the one with the little blue and pink plastic people and the colorful cars. However, that's the question of the day. Is Life more like a board game or is it more like a video game?

In a board game, there's a winner at the end of the game. You're playing against at least one other person, and at the end someone has all the properties, someone catches the mouse, someone sinks all the battleships. And someone doesn't.

In a video game, you can be playing against someone else, but mostly you're playing against the machine. You may put off losing for a really long time - but do you ever really win? (I'm probably dating myself, here, I haven't actually played video games in a really long time, so let's think along the lines of Pac-Man, Donkey-Kong, etc.) As I remember it, you beat a level, only to go to the next level and try again. Now, I was never a very skilled Pac-Man player, so maybe there was a way to win, and I just never got there.

Hmm... I guess there's a lesson right there - how do you know there isn't a way to win, until you've played the game to the end?

So, the real question I am apparently asking myself today is - am I going to win this one - or is it just another level I have to master before I get to the next one?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

What stops us?

Every week, D buys a lottery ticket.

Every week, we fantasize about where we'll live, how we'll quit our jobs, where we'll go, which trips we'll take with the kids, which ones alone. How many houses do we want, and where?

Now neither of us ever expect to win, but we rationalize the dollar or two on a fun dream-filled (very similar to cream-filled, but without the calories) conversation.

However, what really stops us? I want to work part-time, so that I can be home with the kids before and after school and prevent them from having to go to extended day-care.

D wants to open his own business, both of us working together, so that I can accomplish the more important parts of the previous paragraph, and so that we can stop answering to someone else, stop busting our butts to make money for someone else.

So, what stops us? Is it really about the money? Or is it about taking a leap of faith, without a safety net?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I Know... I know...

It's been a long time since I've updated this Blog. It's not like I haven't been doing anything fun. It's not like I have been so monumentally busy that I haven't had time to write. It's not like I don't have anything to say (ha!).

So why the delay?

It's a strange situation to be in. The whole point of this Blog was a venue for finding myself, and finding my path. Finding my happiness, if that's not too sappy. Here's the problem. I'm happy.

Don't get me wrong, being happy certainly isn't a problem. It just gives me a whole lot less to bitch about!

I've been doing some pretty great things in the last three weeks since I've updated, and I could post about those, but I didn't want to turn into one of those mommy-bloggers or the - "here is what I did and aren't I great" kind of bloggers. I suppose a few highlights wouldn't kill anyone, right?

The biggest event was a special day planned for my son. My son, S, has been into Nascar since he was about 2 years old. Due to the nature of my work, I spend a lot of time conversing with UPS. The UPS rep invited S (and his mom) to attend a race (the Nationwide Series) courtesey of them. S sat in an air-conditioned luxury suite, watched the race from behind the reinforced (and therefore sound proofed) glass, snack and drink on the munchies provided, and take home a goodie bag equivalent to an Oscar night extravaganza. The child couldn't stop smiling the entire day, and he is still sleeping in his UPS racing jersey whenever mommy (or the more maleable babysitter) lets him.

I've picked up the geocaching again, and D and I have spent many happy hours searching under rocks and bushes for ellusive treasure. He and I are very similar in that we appreciate the area we live in so much and it's a real treat to go to Sedona, Jerome, Camp Verde, and still be home in time for hockey.

Ah yes, hockey. The Arizona Sundogs have been in the playoffs, and D and I have been to nearly every game. Last night was the third in four days (hence the maleable babysitter mentioned above) and we watched a nail-biter of a game, which the Sundogs did take 2-1; bring the conference series to 3-2. One more win for my dogs and they are off to the President's Cup Finals. This would be an amazing accomplishment - and a fitting end to a great season.

There you have it - an update on my life.

Don't get me wrong - it's not all milk and honey. I still have to deal with T, I still have to work, I'm still confident that I'm doing things wrong with D, with my kids, with everyone. In fact, you should probably book mark this entry - I'm sure the whiny, bitchy ones will be back soon.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Done Deal!


I was mostly right. I got there after him, so I chose not to sit by him. He was expecting me too, I could tell since he left me room to sit right next to him. He wore the tie that he wore when we were married. I found that strange. (And yes, he knew it).

The judge called us up, asked me a bunch of questions, seemed to really like my answers, and then asked him "with the exception of the pregnant question, do you agree with the answers given?" - He stammered out his "yes", but I got the feeling he was hoping for an opportunity to argue. He wasn't given one.

The papers were signed, filed, and copies were handed to us.

We left the courtroom to talk about some kid scheduling stuff, and yep, he asked for more money. I refused.

I left and went off for a lovely night with a terrific man.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

T Minus 12 minutes

Or is it D - Minus 42 minutes?

I'm leaving in 12 minutes. I will drive with the sunroof open, windows down, and music blaring. I will arrive at the courthouse in about 20 minutes. I will be checked by security, I will walkthrough and I will find the courtroom and sit and wait.

Although I was told that T didn't even have to show up for the hearing, I'm sure he will. I'm sure he will sit right next to me. I'm sure he will want to talk about money. I'm sure he will want more.

I will remain calm and collected. (Or at least I will look that way).

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

'Twas the night before...

Ok, so it's two days before...

Remember when you were a kid and when it finally seemed like Christmas was around the corner - you really *had* to be good in order to make sure Santa would come?

That's kind of what I'm feeling these days. My hearing to finalize my divorce is finally, FINALLY almost here. Two more days. (Ok, 48 hours, 49 minutes, but who's counting?)

I am trying so hard to be good, Santa. Not for more presents, just so things go smoothly. T is pushing those buttons hard, but luckily, I've got D on my side, keeping me calm, and reminding me not to do anything foolish this close to the big day.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

A Sign of Things To Come

Last night, D and I took S & A to watch a basketball game. It was D's little brother playing - and this game was the final in the tournament.

Of course the right team won.

However, I saw a glimpse of the future. S was too cool to sit with us in the stands. He hung out with his friends. He's now 7. I thought I'd still be cool for a few more years.

Hmm... guess I'm just too hot to be cool!

No? Well, it sounded good.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Birthday Party - Continued

So, when we last left our heroine, she was holding the wrong cake and being denied access to host her party.

The proper phone calls were made, and the gates were lifted and I was able to come in. Now according to the YMCA webpage - you get one hour of climbing fun and then another hour in the "new party room". Ok, I'm fighting the urge to make air quotes even as I type this. I don't think that title worked - on any level. New - nope - same ol' space that's been around as long as I've been coming to the Y - dingy, dirty, etc. Party - wouldn't that indicate to you that they might have done something to make it look festive? Nope. No decorations, no table clothes, just folded tables and chairs along the walls for me to set up. Room - doesn't a room have to have four walls? This was really an "old, dingy, space you can use to put your crap on a dirty table so it doesn't have to sit on the floor". Ah... truth in advertising.

The kids didn't care - they ran around as more and more of them arrived and were dropped off by their parents.

As of 10:15, I had a "room" full of hyper party-animals, but no rock climbing wall instructor. She did show up eventually, and made her presence known a little later ("Oh, I was over there...") and I herded the children toward the rock climbing wall. Not all kids climbed, but all ran around - played, and had a good time, generally speaking.

Around 11:15 - we lit the candles, sang, and dug into the gooiest frosted cup-cake cake. Again, the kids didn't care - they had a great time. By the time the cake was served up, my dad was back from my house with the cups that I had left behind. (Hey, I remembered to bring milk and punch - couldn't they just swig from the bottle?)

Again, in the long run - the kids had fun, everyone made it through safely, there are some cute pictures, and my son got tons of goodies.

What more could a kid want? It was the bells and whistles that I wanted that were missing.

Oh, and as to the family participants? Not too bad - a little chilly, but I'll save those stories for another day.

Monday, March 10, 2008

The Birthday Party

This might end up being a two-post tome...

I figured out what to do for S's birthday party a few weeks ago. This was brilliant! I wanted him to have a great birthday, but knowing that the ex-husband, ex-in-laws, parents, and SO were all to be in the same place at the same time, I wanted something in a more nuetral territory.

The brilliant plan was to do a party at the YMCA - it would start at 10:00 - and the kids would get an hour on the rock climbing wall. At 11:00 we would do cake and presents, and at 12:00, those that were interested could watch S and A play their last basketball game of the season.

This kept the party out of my house, left the decorating and clean-up to someone else, as well as giving the kids something fun and different to do.

That was the plan, anyway... alas... reality had to join the party (although it never RSVP'd - oh, but wait - that's part of the story...)

The invitations went out about two weeks before the party, requesting an RSVP date by March 1. Apparently - this date was a figment of my imagination. I waited until March 3rd, before ordering the cake and thinking I had the final number of party guests. Ha - silly me! Would you, my dear readers, like to know when I received the last RSVP? AFTER the party. No, you read that correctly. I was at the basketball game and listened to my voicemail - and there it was - the last RSVP for the party - ok, granted it had come in about 15 minutes before the party started, I just didn't hear it until afterwards, but seriously... come on parents!!!

So, as you know, my parents were also in town, and staying with me. We'd been having a nice visit, S and A were loving spending their time with their grandparents, D survived the meeting of the parents, etc., etc., etc.

Friday night before the party, I was supposed to meet my parents and the kids for dinner, while D drove a couple of hours to pick up his daughter (little d). Unfortunately, D had a long day and work, and as a result, some flash burn in his eyes, making it a little scary (ok, totally nerve wracking for me) for him to drive, so my parents watched two of the munchkins, and D and I went to pick up d. Round trip takes about 4.25 hours - so by the time we got back - we were all pooped. No worries, I'll get the party ready in the morning.

The morning didn't go well.

I got the goody-bags done, got most of the stuff I needed for the party (got that part... *most* of the stuff) and my mom and I set out to get set-up at the Y.

Problem 1: The cake was done wrong. The cake, which was a cupcake-cake was made with chocolate frosting, even though it specifically said "white frosting" on the order form. My son doesn't like chocolate. A quick fix - we added 12 white cupcakes around the edge of the cake - so that S could still enjoy his birthday cake.

Problem 2: The YMCA had no record of me booking a party. I got there about 9:40 - and nope, no party scheduled. The woman running the back building (hosts gymnastics and the rock wall wouldn't even let me *in* to set up, because she had no record of the party. Parents were starting to show up, and I couldn't even bring in the wrong cake.

Ok, more details to come - don't worry, in the end everything worked out fine... but it makes a better story to bitch about it.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Once Again

Time has gotten away from me and I haven't posted. Maybe it's less about having the time to write this, as it is having the time to stop and look around long enough to have anything worthy *to* post.

I had plenty of time yesterday. My son stayed home from school for the first time. I spent the day with him, in mellow activities (nope, no TV - was never even turned on!) I felt like a real mom - something that I don't get too often.

By real mom, I mean one that's there all day long. Now I know that there are all kinds of parents in the world, and I do what I think is my best for my kids. But, I have to work. I have to get them up early every morning (that they're with me) so that I can take them to before-school care and be at work by 7:30. After school they take the bus to after-school care, because school is out at 2:45, and I can't pick them up until about 5:20. By the time we get home, bathed, homework done, and dinner eaten - it's bedtime, and the routine has to start again.

Not yesterday. S woke up with a headache and a fever, so some Tylenol for him, and a relaxing morning for all three of us (once the requisite calls were made to get someone else to open the building for me at work). The kids sat and ate breakfast together. We took A to school just in time for her to have some time to relax and get adjusted to class, but not be so early the school looks closed.

During the course of the day, S and I read, talked about math, science, his upcoming birthday, etc. I was amazed at how much he knows already. He spent hours on my lap, and others self-entertained. At 2:30, he and I left to walk to his school to pick up his sister. (No after-school care today, either!) The three of us walked home, I gave the kids a healthy afternoon snack (grapes for one, strawberries for the other), the kids played, read, (still no TV), and eventually earned some computer time. I made dinner, did laundry, met with the insurance adjuster (groan - another day for that story).

I did nothing amazing. Nothing out of the ordinary - so why did I feel like such a super-hero?

Once again I'm both jealous and amazed at my friends M and J, who knew this feeling all along and chose to be real moms to their kids.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Birthday Party

I am frantically trying to figure out what to do for my son's birthday. Normally, I would plan a party months in advance, have it at my house, make WAYYYY too much food, have some games, some great prizes, and invite too many kids to come.

Well, this year, time got away from me. I have nothing planned.

I could still do a party at my house, but I don't want to. This party should prove to be very stressfull, and I don't want it at my house. I must include T. I must include T's parents. My parents will be in town. I choose to include D. I choose to includ D's parents (and sister and brother - who my kids just idolize). I choose to include D's daughter. I choose to include my friends.

Are you doing the math here? An ex set of in-laws, complete with ex-husband as well as my parents in the same location for any length of time is going to be enough to turn me into a creature that will resemble something out of mythical lore. The last thing I want to do is to do it in my house.

My house is my home, my santuary. Although there are occassional arguments that occur, my house is a place of peace and love. My house is the place where I get to watch my children learn and where they get to teach me valuable lessons. My home is where I get to spend quiet time with people I love. I don't want T. coming into my house and acting like a host. I don't want T. leading his parents around, talking to my friends, showing people where the bathroom is, and acting like he lives there. My house is where my family lives, and T and I haven't been family for many, many years.

So back to square one... what am I going to do for this birthday party???

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Weekend Approaches

After a lovely, perfect Valentine's Day Night (otherwise known as Thursday), D says to me "We have so much to do and no time - ALWAYS!"

He is absolutely correct. It is now Friday. He and I together will put in somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 hours at work, then will race home. After quick showers, we'll be off again - this time to make some final preparations for his daughter's birthday. From there we will go to a hockey game, while we will wait for one of our cell phones to ring, signally the arrival of said girl.

We'll go get her, take her back to my house and attempt to get her settled in to go to sleep. I'm thinking this might take a while - all three of us will be excited, we haven't seen her in a couple of weeks.

Eventually we'll all conk out - and our day will start again with an 8:00 AM (Seriously, is this necessary?) basketball game. Then it's a few hours of just the three of us again, then time to pick up my munchkins from their dads. The three kids will play well, will squable, will make up, will argue again, and generally have a fantastic time.

On Sunday, we'll be celebrating a birthday, in a low-key fashion - just one activity and then off to the grandparents for dinner, cake and presents.

Somewhere in all there, groceries need to be purchased, meals need to be made, laundry needs to be washed, floors need to be vacuumed and bathrooms need to be cleaned.

Yep - so much to do - and no time. Always.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day

Ok, yes, it's Valentine's Day - happy, happy, hearts, kisses, love, love, love...

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...

Now you all know that I don't mean it. I love love. I love romance. I love flowers, and presents that sparkle. I love notes expressing undying love, and I love being told that someone loves me.

What I don't love is why it has to be on one specific day.

I like Valentine's Day, I do... but not if it's going to be a huge contrast between February 13th, February 15th, and March 27th, April 17th, etc., etc., etc.

I remember reading once that Valentine's Day was the original Mother's Day. That it was designed to show love to your mom. Not sure when Victoria's Secret joined the party, but for all our sakes, I'm hoping it's much, much later.

Yes, I got D a Valentine's Day card, two actually, but that's it. No extravagant presents, no flat-screen TV, no surprise trips to Venice. I'm hoping we'll have a nice evening together, shopping for his daughter's birthday presents, and ordering her birthday cake, talking to my kids on the phone... wait a minute - yep, that could be any other day.

That's a good Valentine's Day to me.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

It's Been A While.

I have returned!

Where have I been? At the annual Tucson Gem and Bead Show. This is nothing like any other trade show in the world. (This statement is based both on my own observations as well as what I hear from everyone else.)

With most trade shows, there's a convention center and all the relevant vendors set up and hawk their wares.

In Tucson, in February, there is something like 35 shows going on simultaneously. Oh sure, there's one at the convention center. There's another one at every major (and minor) hotel and resort in the city. As you drive down the freeway, you see miles and miles of white tents. All of them have hundreds of vendors with strands of semi-precious, fine gems, finished jewelry, baskets of silver, etc., etc., etc.

I'm there for a week every year, meeting my clients, selling my company. I enjoy it, I like the face to face contact with the names I know, but by the end of the week, I'm Jonesing pretty bad for those babies of mine.

This year, there was another dimension added into the mix. I never missed T when I travelled - NEVER. However, this year, D was back home, and I was missing him, too.

So what happens when I get back? I rush through the stuff I *had* to get done, and run over to the after-school care to see my kids. I missed them so much! Neither of them wanted to leave yet. Neither of them wanted to stop what they were doing when I got there. I had to practically beg for hugs and kisses.

No worries, though, my son told me later that he hugged the van, because he missed it.

Monday, January 28, 2008

What you didn't know...

Inspired by the Fish.

I learned how to read at three. According to my mother, I was using chopsticks before I learned how to use a fork. My first memory is of my brother's blue comforter. I saw the movie "Grease" - 17 1/2 times in one year.

I thrive on compliments, even though I might argue with the person for giving them to me. A stubbly kiss on my neck can drive me absolutely insane.

I've been feeling a little homesick lately, for my friends in California and my family that has passed. I have really been missing my Grandparents and Great Aunt lately.

I'm very impatient, and want to draw things out at the same time. If I could have one superpower, it would be to skip ahead in time, find out how things are going to work out, then come back to the moment and savor the trip to the results.

I believe in signs - songs, books, things people say - I believe can all be messages from the universe reminding me of things I've forgotten, lessons I need to learn, or things I need to do to become a better person.

I fell in love with my children more than I ever thought I would - but it wasn't instantaneous. I was so overwhelmed and scared, that I kept thinking someone was going to come back and claim their child - as if I was a babysitter. I wanted four children, and it still makes me cry that I can't have anymore.

Ok-your turn... Dina, Melissa, Sadie, Debbie, Andy (sorry, ANDREW), consider yourselves tagged.

Friday, January 25, 2008

What's the difference...

What is the difference between still and stagnant? Who gets to make that decision?

In our careers, some of us will stay in the same position for years. Is this still or stagnant? I'm not a sit still kind of person (I think we've established that). For years, I defined myself as a professional Swooper. I would come into a work situation - swoop in - solve whatever major problems they had been facing, reorganize, rethink, improve, and swoop out again. I know this makes me sound like I'm very high on myself. I don't think it was any given gift I posessed - but more of a set of fresh eyes, a willingness to try something new, and a bigger willingness to be wrong if it didn't work. For several years, I worked for an outsourcing company - that means that someone else hired us to run their technical support - in that time I did a lot of swooping. I was never bored. I was always busy. I moved, I travelled, I did anything the company wanted me too. Of course, at the time, I was single and childless. But I was never stagnant - nor still.

Now I get up and come to the same place every day, and have for just over four years. There are minor skirmishes to deal with. Small new projects to tackle. However, most of these I'm making up for myself. When I first got here, there was a lot of clean-up that needed to be done - there were areas that had to be completely reviewed. There probably still are - but not with the same level of urgency or excitement. I'm not in the same role I was in when I walked in the door - so I'm not still. Why do I feel stagnant?

In another world, another life, I'd probably be looking for something else right now. In another world, another life, I'd probably be looking for something else in other states, right now. However, in this world, this life, I have different responsibilities. To a home, to my children. Those things are never stagnant, but must keep me still.

Thursday, January 24, 2008


What makes us do the things we do?

This morning, I was happily lying in my warm and toasty bed. I have so much stuff that I need to do at home, and I was so comfy, and still tired, that I gave a few moments contemplation on staying home. I'm not sick, but spending the day at home instead of at work was SO tempting.

So why am I at the office? What's in me that refuses to allow me to play hooky from work? Is it the same thing in me that makes me a lousy liar? That makes me horrible at saying good-byes? Is it the same reason that I can't stand the squeak of green-beans, and thus refuse to eat them?

Where do our quirks come from? Can they be changed?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


I just wrote a very insightful and witty post, and managed to somehow delete it. CRAP!

Hmm... I just learned something about myself. Once I get out all the thoughts that have been pounding on the inside of my brain, I can't recreate them. So, to my legions of fans (I think there might even be 10 of you that check here regularly) I have to apologize, since I can't recreate the spew of insights that I already wrote down.

Instead I'll do a little recap of this month so far:

My birthday came and went - not the best day ever. D's daughter has been in town a lot - which has been WONDERFUL - and really hard. It's great to have her here, but so hard to say good-bye at the end of the visit. She cries, my kids cry... it's just really hard on all of us. My children have started basketball, and S is a star. A is playing this year, too, but so far - she doesn't have the real interest that he does. However, she will be starting dance next month, and she can't wait for that!

Coming Up: My annual business trip to Tucson, a visit from the parents, and my divorce should be finalized within the next three weeks.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sitting Around

I am not very good at it. Let's face it - I suck at sitting around.


Why do I always feel like there is something demanding my attention, and that it has to be dealt with? Oh sure, there's always something to do - don't get me wrong - but it will still be there the next minute, hour, day, right?

I get home from work, and I'm immediately on the go - between laundry, cleaning, other household chores, homework, food prep, consumption and clean-up, until I give myself permission to go to bed, the only down time I have is reserved for a bath.

Tonight, I'm taking a small break from all that and am going to have dinner with a friend. She, who shall remain nameless, as she is feeling quite guilty for forgetting my birthday a couple of weeks back, and I will enjoy a meal that someone else will prepare, someone else will clean up after, and I will also get the added benefit of knowing that someone else is paying for it, too.

Of course, that nice meal will have to wait until my 9 1/2 hour work day is done, the errands I need to run after work are completed, I regain ownership of Vinnie who is having his DVD player replaced, and... damn... here I go again!

Friday, January 11, 2008

I'm a Whore

It's true. I'd like to go on record now as claiming through no fault of my own, the Public Library has made me a whore. I was happily content reading Eat, Pray Love, when lo and behold, the Library (heretofore known as my dealer) tells me to pick up my books and read them or else I'll lose them!

As I only have a limited time with the ones from the Library, and Eat, Pray, Love is on an indefinite loan from a friend, I've had to switch over. I finished the "Eat" section, and was getting ready to move with the author to India, but alas... I cannot.

Instead I'm now reading "Play Dirty", and while I'm not too far along, so far all I know is that an ex-football Quarterback, who was just released from prison was asked to sleep with a very wealthy man's wife (by the wealthy man) in order to impregnate her.

How come this shit never happens to me?

Wednesday, January 9, 2008


Do possessions define you? Am I my house? Am I my car?

I bought a new car this past weekend. A birthday present, if you will. This is a very cool car. It's got all kinds of bells and whistles. I mean, come on, it has voice command, it knows 1,000 instructions. I can tell it to set the temperature to 74 degrees and it does. Hmm... why aren't there more people like that? I digress...

Here's my only problem with it. It's a mini-van. Minivan's have a bad rep. Did I just automatically turn into a Soccer Mom (or rather, since basketball practice starts today, did I turn into a Basketball Mom)? Or, was I one already, and know I'm just advertising it? Probably the latter. Ok, I admit it. I'm a nauseatingly proud parent - and now I have the car to match.

I'm turning in the Dodge Durango I've had for a few years now. That car was a denial of the soccer-momesque that lies within, but it still was a mom-car. Just a really big one, that ate lots of gas and scared the other cars on the road. Ok, so it was a bullying mom-mobile.

The new one is a Honda Odyssey, blue, and the kids think it's cool. His name is Vincent, but I call him Vinnie.

Come on, folks... Vincent... VanGogh????

I know, I know... it's bad - even for me.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Your Word

My friend, Melissa, who has often proven to be quite a genius, recommended a book to me. It is called "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. Now, I'm nearly through the "Eat" part of the book, and am enjoying it. The author is describing a year out of her life where she learns to focus first on pleasure, then on spirituality, then on how to live a life combining the two ideas.

The author occasionally hits on ideas and concepts that makes me put the book down, stare off into space and say, "huh". (Ok, the author is better versed than I).

Last night, while sitting next to D on the couch I had one of those "huh" moments. Here's the question: What is your word? According to the author's friend in Rome, every city, every home, and every person has one word that can sum up the aura of that entity. In the book, it is determined that Rome's word is "SEX", New York's word is "ACHIEVE", etc.., etc., The author is struggling to choose her word, but thinks "SEEK" might come closest.

I haven't fully narrowed down my word yet. The first one that came to my mind was "PASSION". Now, come on folks, passion isn't *all* about sex. For me, I have never been able to do things part-way. If I'm going to sign up for a class, I have to sign up, buy the books, and read the first 7 assignments before I even get there. If I'm going to have people over for dinner, I'm going to start thinking about the menu, plan the timing, hit the grocery store, get the food prepped, and drive everyone else crazy with questions about what they think. Hmm... maybe PASSION isn't the right word for me - maybe "JUMP" is - as I tend to jump into things with both feet - I'm not a test the water kinda gal (although I've tried to be...) "FAMILY" is huge with me, but I don't think I can claim that as my word either.

Hmm... the quest for the word has begun.

What's your word?

Friday, January 4, 2008

New Year's

Ok, to continue the highlights from the last couple of weeks.

On the last Friday of the old year, I piled the kids in the car and we headed down to Phoenix to pick up D's daughter. From that moment on, the three kids didn't want to be apart. They had their slight squirmishes, but for the most part, they played games, ate, slept, and pretty much hung out in various combinations.

Oh, there was one other thing to keep in mind - both D and I were sick! (This is the cold that WILL NOT DIE!) So with slightly limited reserves, we were able to keep the three kids entertained, well fed, and happy for the four days we had together.

On New Year's Eve we headed over to TGD's house. Throw some more kids, more food, and noisemakers into the mix (Seriously, woman - did we need those FREAKIN' HORNS????), and the kids and grown-ups both spent some time celebrating. At 11:00 we called it "Kid New Year" and poured the cider. After that, D and I bundled our crew back in the car and headed home. Kids were in bed, I'd had a quick bath, more cider poured (and a glass of wine for me) and D and I were on the couch with 30 seconds to spare. A perfect way to bring in the new year.

I used to love New Year's Eve. To me, it was the perfect call of "Do-Over!". I have to say, however, that this was the first one in many years, that I felt optimistic of what was to come.

Oh yeah, and as for today, can we just ignore it?

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Where Have I Been?


It's true. I have no decent excuses for not updating this Blog. My winter break came and went. Christmas came and went. New Year's came and went. My birthday looms (WAY, WAY too close).

I had a week and a half off of work. However, this was the year of the 30 minute vacation. I did get things done that needed to be done, but it never felt like I was on vacation. Between running errands, cleaning, cooking, laundry, doctor's appointments, kid stuff, work stuff (yes, even on vacation), it seems like I got my "time off" here and there - 20 minutes to read. 45 minutes to play a game. The time flew by.

Christmas with my closest was lovely. Being the nice guy that I am, I let T take the kids on Christmas eve, even though it was my day. However, I made it very clear that they were sleeping at *my* house, as Santa was coming there. The kids were nestled all snug in their beds, and that's when it hit me. The holiday skippies. I bounced around the living room, filling stockings, putting presents under the tree, scarfing down overly decorated cookies and ruthlessly chomping carrots. (The milk was left for D to drink - blech!)

The kids didn't wake up fast enough for the grown ups - who ever heard of such a thing??? so they were awakened with a whispered "Santa was here..." and out they bounded - paper was flying, stockings were emptied, items looked at and quickly discarded - however, all was well received (ok, maybe not the clothes or D's tupperware, but you know how that goes...)

A day or two later and the munchkins were returned to their father for a couple of nights.

The following Friday began the New Year's Weekend festivities, with one more child, twice as much fun, and lots more noise.

I'll think I'll save those stories for tomorrow. That way I can avoid thinking about the other thing that tomorrow brings...