I am frantically trying to figure out what to do for my son's birthday. Normally, I would plan a party months in advance, have it at my house, make WAYYYY too much food, have some games, some great prizes, and invite too many kids to come.
Well, this year, time got away from me. I have nothing planned.
I could still do a party at my house, but I don't want to. This party should prove to be very stressfull, and I don't want it at my house. I must include T. I must include T's parents. My parents will be in town. I choose to include D. I choose to includ D's parents (and sister and brother - who my kids just idolize). I choose to include D's daughter. I choose to include my friends.
Are you doing the math here? An ex set of in-laws, complete with ex-husband as well as my parents in the same location for any length of time is going to be enough to turn me into a creature that will resemble something out of mythical lore. The last thing I want to do is to do it in my house.
My house is my home, my santuary. Although there are occassional arguments that occur, my house is a place of peace and love. My house is the place where I get to watch my children learn and where they get to teach me valuable lessons. My home is where I get to spend quiet time with people I love. I don't want T. coming into my house and acting like a host. I don't want T. leading his parents around, talking to my friends, showing people where the bathroom is, and acting like he lives there. My house is where my family lives, and T and I haven't been family for many, many years.
So back to square one... what am I going to do for this birthday party???
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
The Weekend Approaches
After a lovely, perfect Valentine's Day Night (otherwise known as Thursday), D says to me "We have so much to do and no time - ALWAYS!"
He is absolutely correct. It is now Friday. He and I together will put in somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 hours at work, then will race home. After quick showers, we'll be off again - this time to make some final preparations for his daughter's birthday. From there we will go to a hockey game, while we will wait for one of our cell phones to ring, signally the arrival of said girl.
We'll go get her, take her back to my house and attempt to get her settled in to go to sleep. I'm thinking this might take a while - all three of us will be excited, we haven't seen her in a couple of weeks.
Eventually we'll all conk out - and our day will start again with an 8:00 AM (Seriously, is this necessary?) basketball game. Then it's a few hours of just the three of us again, then time to pick up my munchkins from their dads. The three kids will play well, will squable, will make up, will argue again, and generally have a fantastic time.
On Sunday, we'll be celebrating a birthday, in a low-key fashion - just one activity and then off to the grandparents for dinner, cake and presents.
Somewhere in all there, groceries need to be purchased, meals need to be made, laundry needs to be washed, floors need to be vacuumed and bathrooms need to be cleaned.
Yep - so much to do - and no time. Always.
He is absolutely correct. It is now Friday. He and I together will put in somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 hours at work, then will race home. After quick showers, we'll be off again - this time to make some final preparations for his daughter's birthday. From there we will go to a hockey game, while we will wait for one of our cell phones to ring, signally the arrival of said girl.
We'll go get her, take her back to my house and attempt to get her settled in to go to sleep. I'm thinking this might take a while - all three of us will be excited, we haven't seen her in a couple of weeks.
Eventually we'll all conk out - and our day will start again with an 8:00 AM (Seriously, is this necessary?) basketball game. Then it's a few hours of just the three of us again, then time to pick up my munchkins from their dads. The three kids will play well, will squable, will make up, will argue again, and generally have a fantastic time.
On Sunday, we'll be celebrating a birthday, in a low-key fashion - just one activity and then off to the grandparents for dinner, cake and presents.
Somewhere in all there, groceries need to be purchased, meals need to be made, laundry needs to be washed, floors need to be vacuumed and bathrooms need to be cleaned.
Yep - so much to do - and no time. Always.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day
Ok, yes, it's Valentine's Day - happy, happy, hearts, kisses, love, love, love...
Now that we've gotten that out of the way...
Now you all know that I don't mean it. I love love. I love romance. I love flowers, and presents that sparkle. I love notes expressing undying love, and I love being told that someone loves me.
What I don't love is why it has to be on one specific day.
I like Valentine's Day, I do... but not if it's going to be a huge contrast between February 13th, February 15th, and March 27th, April 17th, etc., etc., etc.
I remember reading once that Valentine's Day was the original Mother's Day. That it was designed to show love to your mom. Not sure when Victoria's Secret joined the party, but for all our sakes, I'm hoping it's much, much later.
Yes, I got D a Valentine's Day card, two actually, but that's it. No extravagant presents, no flat-screen TV, no surprise trips to Venice. I'm hoping we'll have a nice evening together, shopping for his daughter's birthday presents, and ordering her birthday cake, talking to my kids on the phone... wait a minute - yep, that could be any other day.
That's a good Valentine's Day to me.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way...
Now you all know that I don't mean it. I love love. I love romance. I love flowers, and presents that sparkle. I love notes expressing undying love, and I love being told that someone loves me.
What I don't love is why it has to be on one specific day.
I like Valentine's Day, I do... but not if it's going to be a huge contrast between February 13th, February 15th, and March 27th, April 17th, etc., etc., etc.
I remember reading once that Valentine's Day was the original Mother's Day. That it was designed to show love to your mom. Not sure when Victoria's Secret joined the party, but for all our sakes, I'm hoping it's much, much later.
Yes, I got D a Valentine's Day card, two actually, but that's it. No extravagant presents, no flat-screen TV, no surprise trips to Venice. I'm hoping we'll have a nice evening together, shopping for his daughter's birthday presents, and ordering her birthday cake, talking to my kids on the phone... wait a minute - yep, that could be any other day.
That's a good Valentine's Day to me.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
It's Been A While.
I have returned!
Where have I been? At the annual Tucson Gem and Bead Show. This is nothing like any other trade show in the world. (This statement is based both on my own observations as well as what I hear from everyone else.)
With most trade shows, there's a convention center and all the relevant vendors set up and hawk their wares.
In Tucson, in February, there is something like 35 shows going on simultaneously. Oh sure, there's one at the convention center. There's another one at every major (and minor) hotel and resort in the city. As you drive down the freeway, you see miles and miles of white tents. All of them have hundreds of vendors with strands of semi-precious, fine gems, finished jewelry, baskets of silver, etc., etc., etc.
I'm there for a week every year, meeting my clients, selling my company. I enjoy it, I like the face to face contact with the names I know, but by the end of the week, I'm Jonesing pretty bad for those babies of mine.
This year, there was another dimension added into the mix. I never missed T when I travelled - NEVER. However, this year, D was back home, and I was missing him, too.
So what happens when I get back? I rush through the stuff I *had* to get done, and run over to the after-school care to see my kids. I missed them so much! Neither of them wanted to leave yet. Neither of them wanted to stop what they were doing when I got there. I had to practically beg for hugs and kisses.
No worries, though, my son told me later that he hugged the van, because he missed it.
Where have I been? At the annual Tucson Gem and Bead Show. This is nothing like any other trade show in the world. (This statement is based both on my own observations as well as what I hear from everyone else.)
With most trade shows, there's a convention center and all the relevant vendors set up and hawk their wares.
In Tucson, in February, there is something like 35 shows going on simultaneously. Oh sure, there's one at the convention center. There's another one at every major (and minor) hotel and resort in the city. As you drive down the freeway, you see miles and miles of white tents. All of them have hundreds of vendors with strands of semi-precious, fine gems, finished jewelry, baskets of silver, etc., etc., etc.
I'm there for a week every year, meeting my clients, selling my company. I enjoy it, I like the face to face contact with the names I know, but by the end of the week, I'm Jonesing pretty bad for those babies of mine.
This year, there was another dimension added into the mix. I never missed T when I travelled - NEVER. However, this year, D was back home, and I was missing him, too.
So what happens when I get back? I rush through the stuff I *had* to get done, and run over to the after-school care to see my kids. I missed them so much! Neither of them wanted to leave yet. Neither of them wanted to stop what they were doing when I got there. I had to practically beg for hugs and kisses.
No worries, though, my son told me later that he hugged the van, because he missed it.
Monday, January 28, 2008
What you didn't know...
Inspired by the Fish.
I learned how to read at three. According to my mother, I was using chopsticks before I learned how to use a fork. My first memory is of my brother's blue comforter. I saw the movie "Grease" - 17 1/2 times in one year.
I thrive on compliments, even though I might argue with the person for giving them to me. A stubbly kiss on my neck can drive me absolutely insane.
I've been feeling a little homesick lately, for my friends in California and my family that has passed. I have really been missing my Grandparents and Great Aunt lately.
I'm very impatient, and want to draw things out at the same time. If I could have one superpower, it would be to skip ahead in time, find out how things are going to work out, then come back to the moment and savor the trip to the results.
I believe in signs - songs, books, things people say - I believe can all be messages from the universe reminding me of things I've forgotten, lessons I need to learn, or things I need to do to become a better person.
I fell in love with my children more than I ever thought I would - but it wasn't instantaneous. I was so overwhelmed and scared, that I kept thinking someone was going to come back and claim their child - as if I was a babysitter. I wanted four children, and it still makes me cry that I can't have anymore.
Ok-your turn... Dina, Melissa, Sadie, Debbie, Andy (sorry, ANDREW), consider yourselves tagged.
I learned how to read at three. According to my mother, I was using chopsticks before I learned how to use a fork. My first memory is of my brother's blue comforter. I saw the movie "Grease" - 17 1/2 times in one year.
I thrive on compliments, even though I might argue with the person for giving them to me. A stubbly kiss on my neck can drive me absolutely insane.
I've been feeling a little homesick lately, for my friends in California and my family that has passed. I have really been missing my Grandparents and Great Aunt lately.
I'm very impatient, and want to draw things out at the same time. If I could have one superpower, it would be to skip ahead in time, find out how things are going to work out, then come back to the moment and savor the trip to the results.
I believe in signs - songs, books, things people say - I believe can all be messages from the universe reminding me of things I've forgotten, lessons I need to learn, or things I need to do to become a better person.
I fell in love with my children more than I ever thought I would - but it wasn't instantaneous. I was so overwhelmed and scared, that I kept thinking someone was going to come back and claim their child - as if I was a babysitter. I wanted four children, and it still makes me cry that I can't have anymore.
Ok-your turn... Dina, Melissa, Sadie, Debbie, Andy (sorry, ANDREW), consider yourselves tagged.
Friday, January 25, 2008
What's the difference...
What is the difference between still and stagnant? Who gets to make that decision?
In our careers, some of us will stay in the same position for years. Is this still or stagnant? I'm not a sit still kind of person (I think we've established that). For years, I defined myself as a professional Swooper. I would come into a work situation - swoop in - solve whatever major problems they had been facing, reorganize, rethink, improve, and swoop out again. I know this makes me sound like I'm very high on myself. I don't think it was any given gift I posessed - but more of a set of fresh eyes, a willingness to try something new, and a bigger willingness to be wrong if it didn't work. For several years, I worked for an outsourcing company - that means that someone else hired us to run their technical support - in that time I did a lot of swooping. I was never bored. I was always busy. I moved, I travelled, I did anything the company wanted me too. Of course, at the time, I was single and childless. But I was never stagnant - nor still.
Now I get up and come to the same place every day, and have for just over four years. There are minor skirmishes to deal with. Small new projects to tackle. However, most of these I'm making up for myself. When I first got here, there was a lot of clean-up that needed to be done - there were areas that had to be completely reviewed. There probably still are - but not with the same level of urgency or excitement. I'm not in the same role I was in when I walked in the door - so I'm not still. Why do I feel stagnant?
In another world, another life, I'd probably be looking for something else right now. In another world, another life, I'd probably be looking for something else in other states, right now. However, in this world, this life, I have different responsibilities. To a home, to my children. Those things are never stagnant, but must keep me still.
In our careers, some of us will stay in the same position for years. Is this still or stagnant? I'm not a sit still kind of person (I think we've established that). For years, I defined myself as a professional Swooper. I would come into a work situation - swoop in - solve whatever major problems they had been facing, reorganize, rethink, improve, and swoop out again. I know this makes me sound like I'm very high on myself. I don't think it was any given gift I posessed - but more of a set of fresh eyes, a willingness to try something new, and a bigger willingness to be wrong if it didn't work. For several years, I worked for an outsourcing company - that means that someone else hired us to run their technical support - in that time I did a lot of swooping. I was never bored. I was always busy. I moved, I travelled, I did anything the company wanted me too. Of course, at the time, I was single and childless. But I was never stagnant - nor still.
Now I get up and come to the same place every day, and have for just over four years. There are minor skirmishes to deal with. Small new projects to tackle. However, most of these I'm making up for myself. When I first got here, there was a lot of clean-up that needed to be done - there were areas that had to be completely reviewed. There probably still are - but not with the same level of urgency or excitement. I'm not in the same role I was in when I walked in the door - so I'm not still. Why do I feel stagnant?
In another world, another life, I'd probably be looking for something else right now. In another world, another life, I'd probably be looking for something else in other states, right now. However, in this world, this life, I have different responsibilities. To a home, to my children. Those things are never stagnant, but must keep me still.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Why?
What makes us do the things we do?
This morning, I was happily lying in my warm and toasty bed. I have so much stuff that I need to do at home, and I was so comfy, and still tired, that I gave a few moments contemplation on staying home. I'm not sick, but spending the day at home instead of at work was SO tempting.
So why am I at the office? What's in me that refuses to allow me to play hooky from work? Is it the same thing in me that makes me a lousy liar? That makes me horrible at saying good-byes? Is it the same reason that I can't stand the squeak of green-beans, and thus refuse to eat them?
Where do our quirks come from? Can they be changed?
This morning, I was happily lying in my warm and toasty bed. I have so much stuff that I need to do at home, and I was so comfy, and still tired, that I gave a few moments contemplation on staying home. I'm not sick, but spending the day at home instead of at work was SO tempting.
So why am I at the office? What's in me that refuses to allow me to play hooky from work? Is it the same thing in me that makes me a lousy liar? That makes me horrible at saying good-byes? Is it the same reason that I can't stand the squeak of green-beans, and thus refuse to eat them?
Where do our quirks come from? Can they be changed?
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