Wednesdays

I hate Wednesday mornings, but I love Wednesday evenings. How is this possible?

Wednesday morning is the last morning I have with my kids before they go to dad's house for a couple of days. Well, unless, of course, he's asked me to take them extra (which is pretty much a weekly thing).

My last kid hug for the duration happens on the sidewalk in front of the school. My last kiss is one that is pretty quick, after all there are friends to be played with. My last hug is bumpy with books and morning snacks. My last "I love you" is returned as they go flying down the sidewalk to play.

Then I go to work. There are no kisses, no hugs, no "I love you"s - well, ok, sometimes there are, but usually only if an employee wants something.

However, on Wednesday night, there's a transition. Now it's just me and D. An adult evening, where language isn't censored, where kissing is not followed by a pipsqueak voice saying "That's Disgustin'!"

This week's Wednesday will be spent keeping one eye on the Sundogs score, as they play game 3 in the cup finals in Colorado. Hopefully, the other one will be closed - after all it's kind of rude to keep your eyes open when kissing, isn't it?

Bad, bad, mommy

I am.

I am a bad mommy.

I am rooting for rain. My son has a "Coach Pitch" little league game tonight, and I am really hoping it will be called on account of rain.

This is a terrible thing to wish. Especially, since this is only the third game on the season. However, if you have never watched a little league game of "coach pitch" with a bunch of 7 year olds, please don't judge.

Let's start with the basic rules of this game. Everyone plays. Good rule. Everyone bats. Good rule. There are no outs. BAD, BAD rule! An inning means each kid on every team swings until they hit a fair ball. There are 14 kids on each team. There may be 15 - 20 pitches before a kid hits the ball. Are ya with me here?

Now, when it's my son's turn, it's a great few minutes - but the other 27 kids? Well, let's just say the mind does tend to wander...

Add to this that these games happen at 5:30. I get out of work at 5:00, and my child's day care is a 20 minute drive (when the gods of traffic are on my side). From there, this game is another 10 minute drive away. Somewhere in there, the child in question needs to don his baseball uniform. Add to this, that the ex feels the need to go to the games, even when it's not his day with the kids (don't get me started on that right now...) Add to this, that it's Tuesday. Which means both kids will have swum today in a pool that has to be just as much urine as water, and I get totally grossed out and prefer to immediately toss them into a shower, but won't have that opportunity until at least 7:00 tonight.

Oh, and somewhere in there, I need to feed them, make sure homework gets done, and find some time for myself...

Yep, rain sure sounds good...

Changes/Titles

Now that I've been (more or less) Blogging a little more frequently, I looked about my page, and found something that made me think...

This is what I had to say when I started: "Who am I? Well, that's not one of the questions I've got a good answer for. To some, I'm a mom, to others, I'm a friend, to others I'm a wife, to some a boss, to others an employee. Who am I to me? That's what I'm hoping to figure out."

Well, through this and a lot of other things, I think I have a better idea of who I am, and at least one of those titles have definitely changed. I am no longer anyone's wife.

There's something about that word, though, isn't there? It's clear. There is no ambiguity about a wife or a husband. You don't wonder... Do they live together? Are they getting married? If so, when?

I have someone in my life that I adore, and yet there isn't a title that I like for him. Boyfriend sounds so juevenile, and considering the things we are dealing with on a regular basis, doesn't say enough to me. "Partner" sounds gay. Not sarcastically, just really sounds like a same-sex relationship. "Lover" offers more details than I think I would prefer on an introduction, and "Friend" just doesn't say nearly enough.

So Ladies and Gentlemen - I'm on a quest. Give me a better word! This is your Mission!

April 25, 2008

Today is April 25th. This is the wedding anniversary of my very dear friends, M & J. Not only is it a wedding anniversary - this is their 16th wedding anniversary.

Theirs goes in the books as one of the best marriages I know. I'm sure they argue, I'm sure they go through times when they don't see enough of each other, I'm sure they go through times when it's all about the kids, and not enough about them. However, that's the key, there, isn't it... they go THROUGH these rough patches, and come out the other side.

What is the secret, M?

Happy Anniversary, M and J, from your very green friend in AZ.

The Game of Life

Now, I'm not talking about the one with the little blue and pink plastic people and the colorful cars. However, that's the question of the day. Is Life more like a board game or is it more like a video game?

In a board game, there's a winner at the end of the game. You're playing against at least one other person, and at the end someone has all the properties, someone catches the mouse, someone sinks all the battleships. And someone doesn't.

In a video game, you can be playing against someone else, but mostly you're playing against the machine. You may put off losing for a really long time - but do you ever really win? (I'm probably dating myself, here, I haven't actually played video games in a really long time, so let's think along the lines of Pac-Man, Donkey-Kong, etc.) As I remember it, you beat a level, only to go to the next level and try again. Now, I was never a very skilled Pac-Man player, so maybe there was a way to win, and I just never got there.

Hmm... I guess there's a lesson right there - how do you know there isn't a way to win, until you've played the game to the end?

So, the real question I am apparently asking myself today is - am I going to win this one - or is it just another level I have to master before I get to the next one?

What stops us?

Every week, D buys a lottery ticket.

Every week, we fantasize about where we'll live, how we'll quit our jobs, where we'll go, which trips we'll take with the kids, which ones alone. How many houses do we want, and where?

Now neither of us ever expect to win, but we rationalize the dollar or two on a fun dream-filled (very similar to cream-filled, but without the calories) conversation.

However, what really stops us? I want to work part-time, so that I can be home with the kids before and after school and prevent them from having to go to extended day-care.

D wants to open his own business, both of us working together, so that I can accomplish the more important parts of the previous paragraph, and so that we can stop answering to someone else, stop busting our butts to make money for someone else.

So, what stops us? Is it really about the money? Or is it about taking a leap of faith, without a safety net?

I Know... I know...

It's been a long time since I've updated this Blog. It's not like I haven't been doing anything fun. It's not like I have been so monumentally busy that I haven't had time to write. It's not like I don't have anything to say (ha!).

So why the delay?

It's a strange situation to be in. The whole point of this Blog was a venue for finding myself, and finding my path. Finding my happiness, if that's not too sappy. Here's the problem. I'm happy.

Don't get me wrong, being happy certainly isn't a problem. It just gives me a whole lot less to bitch about!

I've been doing some pretty great things in the last three weeks since I've updated, and I could post about those, but I didn't want to turn into one of those mommy-bloggers or the - "here is what I did and aren't I great" kind of bloggers. I suppose a few highlights wouldn't kill anyone, right?

The biggest event was a special day planned for my son. My son, S, has been into Nascar since he was about 2 years old. Due to the nature of my work, I spend a lot of time conversing with UPS. The UPS rep invited S (and his mom) to attend a race (the Nationwide Series) courtesey of them. S sat in an air-conditioned luxury suite, watched the race from behind the reinforced (and therefore sound proofed) glass, snack and drink on the munchies provided, and take home a goodie bag equivalent to an Oscar night extravaganza. The child couldn't stop smiling the entire day, and he is still sleeping in his UPS racing jersey whenever mommy (or the more maleable babysitter) lets him.




I've picked up the geocaching again, and D and I have spent many happy hours searching under rocks and bushes for ellusive treasure. He and I are very similar in that we appreciate the area we live in so much and it's a real treat to go to Sedona, Jerome, Camp Verde, and still be home in time for hockey.

Ah yes, hockey. The Arizona Sundogs have been in the playoffs, and D and I have been to nearly every game. Last night was the third in four days (hence the maleable babysitter mentioned above) and we watched a nail-biter of a game, which the Sundogs did take 2-1; bring the conference series to 3-2. One more win for my dogs and they are off to the President's Cup Finals. This would be an amazing accomplishment - and a fitting end to a great season.

There you have it - an update on my life.

Don't get me wrong - it's not all milk and honey. I still have to deal with T, I still have to work, I'm still confident that I'm doing things wrong with D, with my kids, with everyone. In fact, you should probably book mark this entry - I'm sure the whiny, bitchy ones will be back soon.