Beautiful

A conversation with my daughter last night:

Me: You're my beautiful girl, you know that?
A: But I'm not wearing my beautiful dress!
Me: But you're beautiful on the inside. In your heart, in your mind.
A: You can see my heart?
Me: Absolutely! When you paint me a picture, when you give me a hug, when you help me or your brother, when you want to make people feel better, when you cry because someone else is sad. I can see how beautiful your heart is all those times.

She didn't understand me, but if it sunk in on any level, that's one more point on my "Super-Mom" chart.

(Oh, the other points I earned yesterday were for feeding my children dinner with both a fruit AND a veggie, while mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, and cleaning - all before 7:00PM after a 9 1/2 hour day at the office)

Big Girls Don't Cry

I'm a sap. I know it. Everyone who's ever seen a movie with me knows it. Correction: Everyone who's ever seen a television show with me knows it as well as everyone who's ever seen me read a book.

So, here's a quick question for today.

Last night, before going to bed, I RE-watched the final episode of "Friends" and cried like a baby.

So, why haven't I shed a single tear over the end of my marriage?

What to Say?

My good friend was on my case last night for not having updated my Blog. When I told her that I didn't have anything to say lately, she said, "But you're going through a separation, you're painting your bathroom..."

Then I realized. I still have nothing to say. The drama is gone. I don't have witty anecdotes about how brainless men can be, because I don't have to deal with it! The most dramatic thing I've got going on at home right now is the 10 minutes of panic every morning trying to get my children dressed, brushed (teeth and hair), sunblocked, and bug sprayed, and into the car by 7:15.

I'm sure as I crawl out of my comfort zone and stick my neck out again, there will be more drama. As happy as I am in my anti-social world at the moment, I know that won't last. I'm going to want to actually LEAVE my house eventually, and when that happens I'll have plenty to say. I'm already getting asked if I'm going to start dating, and why don't I put up a personal, etc., etc., etc.

In the meantime, I will make an effort to put something up on this page - and I'll even give it an effort to be entertaining. You all like watching paint dry, right?

Why?

I have a simple question this morning.

I don't wear a lot of make-up, but I do understand why women do. I understand why women would even go so far as to choose to get permanent make-up put on. This is what I don't understand - if you were going to go through the expense, danger and perhaps pain (and at least stress) to get makeup permanently tattooed to your face -- WHY WOULD YOU CHOOSE POWDER BLUE EYE SHADOW???

Yes, I've seen it myself. The sales person at Sally Beauty Supply proudly showed me her permanent make-up - since it wasn't offered in the 70's at the height of powder-blue, WHY THE HELL DID SHE DO IT??

Anyone?

Go Army!

Remember that slogan the Army used to use for recruiting? How they did more before 8AM than most people did all day? With all due respect to those that serve(d) in the armed forces, they ain't got shit on a single mom with a full-time job!

Ok, so technically I'm not a single mom - but I am 4 days a week. Here's a summary of what I did yesterday:

Up bright and early, ran laundry (child had an accident), put away clothes in the dryer from the night before, vacuumed living room floor, ensured children were dressed in clean, semi-color matching clothes, with brushed teeth and hair, sunblocked said children, dropped them off to before-school care, went to work. Put in a good 9 1/2 hour day, pick up children from after-school care, get them home, bathed (complete with hair washing), made them a semi-healthy dinner (hey, MOST food groups were represented), then turned them over to a friend for an hour while I went to their school for parent's night, as well as to pick up all the soccer gear and forms for T, who volunteered to coach S's team. (Please note: *I* didn't volunteer, but I'm the one picking this stuff up, signing forms, choosing a practice field and day, etc.) Get home from the school, and say goodnight to one child, thank the friend/babysitter, play with the other child until his bedtime, then get him in bed. Then I was allowed to have dinner myself (three cheers for leftovers!) After that, I did some more cleaning, more laundry, and vacuumed my bedroom. Around 10:30 I went to bed.

Of course, being a sorta single mom - going to bed does not necessarily mean the end of the day! I had one child with a bad dream, one with a radio issue, one with shadows moving in her room, and one needed a Kleenex and couldn't find one. Yes, I know I only have two children.

This morning the routine starts all over again with the need to run the washing machine - *again* (Damn cat and her hairballs!), and all the rest...

Go Army - Let's See You Beat That!

Weekends Are Different Now

Well, this was the first weekend that included a custody transfer. T actually moved out a couple of weeks ago, but I took the kids out of town so this was the first time we actually had to do a kid exchange. It went amazingly well.

There was a little bit of fussing - but it was over a Lunchable. Of course, T, being the gentleman that he is, has to make sure that even though the kids aren't complaining in front of me, they were fussing about coming back to the house while in the car. I seriously think he thinks that it's a compliment to him, and an insult to me when the kids fuss about coming back to my house. He doesn't realize that it happens in the other direction, cuz I don't tell 'im!

After the exchange - I took the kids bowling with a friend, and they had a great time. They have already declared that they want to do that AGAIN next weekend.

As for me? I spent the rest of my weekend reclaiming my house. I emptied and reorgainzed cabinets, drawers, closets, etc. Moved furniture (all by myself, I'll have you know), changed the look and feel of the living room, playroom (and am working on my bedroom) - The kids loved the changes and said that the house looked really different, and that they were going to try to help keep it clean. (We'll see...)

By the end of the weekend, I was tired, sore and aching... and thrilled.

The Ol' Switcheroo

Today is Thursday. This is the first time the kids will be going over to T's new place instead of being with me. Is it wrong that I'm really looking forward to a night off?

Of course, the planned events for the evening don't involve nakedness, alcohol, or any of the usual ingredients to a fun evening. Instead I'll be going to the library, dropping off forms and paying for next week at the Y, then going shopping to fulfill some swap commitments. Sound dull? Not to me. This is an evening spent by myself - listening to the music I choose, taking as long as I want to wander through the store, stopping to look at whatever I want to look at in the library, if I want to stop and have a snack - by gum, I will! I don't have a curfew, I don't have to check in, there is nobody waiting for me.

Funny, all the years I spent wanting someone waiting for me at home, and now I'm so glad to have one evening where there isn't anyone there.

Hi Me! Nice to see Me again!

A Long Overdue Update

Ok, so it's not that it's been that long since I posted an entry. It's what I haven't said in those entries that's overdue.

T and I split up. I know, I'm sure you're all totally shocked and appalled. Ok, maybe not. He and I split up a few weeks ago, and he moved out last weekend.

I know I'm supposed to be feeling sad for the end of my marriage, but why do I feel like doing the Watoosie? (Or some similar dance, that I actually KNOW how to do?) In many ways, my life has gotten harder - but I feel so much lighter. I feel like I want to come home again, even if it's just to do the laundry, cleaning, reorganizing, that I've been putting off for so long. I want to be there -I want to be with my kids, without thinking that whatever I say is going to be taken in 12 different ways (and none of them accurate). I am going to be able to have conversations with the children without anyone else interrupting because they need attention too. I'm going to be able to believe what people in my house say. I'm going to be able to build a safe, relaxing, fun home for my children.

The big thing is how the kids are doing about all of this. They cried when we told them that he was moving out - for about 10 minutes. Then they wanted to go to Del Taco. They are given every opportunity to ask any questions, talk about their feelings, but so far the big questions have been: From A: "How did daddy move that couch by himself"? and from S: "We have two pets at daddy's house, and only one here. That's not fair - we need another pet at this house." Ahh... the big issues...

I have so many ideas rolling around in my head - I want to paint, redecorate, reorganize, I need a lot of money. Donations are welcome!

Question of the Day

Do you still believe in fairy tales?

Do you still believe in "Happily Ever After"?

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of my last night, and I'm happy to report that he still believes in the power and the existence of unquestionable, undeniable, unconditional love. Do you?

Discuss.

August 1st

I always used to love the first day of a new month. I made a little ceremony out of changing my calendar over. "Calendar Changing Day" I called it. OK, so I wasn't too creative as a child.

Now it seems like a new month presents a new list of things to get done - meetings that seemed further off are now right in front of me, more birthdys to think about, not to mention all the bills that come with the first of the month.

Where did the summer go? My kids are starting school in a couple of days! How is this possible? Why is it, that when we're kids, time moves incredibly slow, especially as we wait for something we are looking forward to. Now, I can't seem to slow down enough to catch my breath.

If any one of you has the secret to slowing time down, would you please share?