That's "apathy" in Russian. I couldn't think of a catchy title.
Here's my dilemma lately: I'm apathetic. I'm so worn out from fighting that I just don't have it in me anymore. I can't help but wonder what I'm fighting for?
Anyone who knows me, and even if you don't, but you've been reading this Blog, knows that my marriage is not what anyone would call ideal.
Here's the problem - there's nothing REALLY wrong with my marriage. As far as I know, there's no drugs, no drinking, no gambling, no cheating, no physical abuse, no mental abuse, no bad treatment, no major fights.
Here's the other side of the coin. There's nothing REALLY right with it either.
Aside from our children, we have nothing in common. Ok, I don't like to say "nothing" - how about very little in common. I like to read, he hasn't read a book in the 7 1/2 years we've been together. (Seriously, folks, that's not an exaggeration!) I like to cook. His idea of "a good dinner" is Hamburger Helper made with turkey. I like to go new places, try new things. He likes to watch television. I go to bed early, and he stays up late. I wake up early in the morning, and he sleeps late. I like to be creative, he doesn't offer new ideas. I believe in open communication, he'll walk out of a room (while I'm speaking) if it starts to get serious.
If this were a dating scenario, no kids, two free, consenting adults, you'd wonder why we'd be together, right? Well, it's not. We're married. We have two incredible children.
I said I was tired of fighting. We don't actually argue a lot. In order to argue, there has to be passion, a desire to work something out, or at least get your point across. I've tried to say what I'm feeling, seeing, needing too many times to count. He won't say anything is wrong or bothering him, until I've started the conversation, then it's his way (I think) of saying "I'm rubber... you're glue..." By no means do I think I'm easy to live with. By no means do I think this is his fault.
So, the question for the day seeking an answer. Would you stay in a place where a lack of emotion prevails? If it was just me, I know what the answer would be. However, it's not just me. I've got the two most important people in the world to answer to, and that complicates matters. A LOT.