I did it! I did it!
It was very early this morning, I was in a hot bath, and realized that I was happy in the moment I was in.
My children are healthy, happy, and seamingly well adjusted to their new life. My bills are paid, and there is still money in the bank. My job is going well, and I'm on vacation starting tomorrow. I like the people I work with and for, and I look forward to celebrating with them at our company party this evening. I have someone wonderful to share these holidays with, and hopefully many more. I have good friends, from coast to coast that I know I can call whenever I need them. My family is healthy, and my parents celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary yesterday.
While I have no way of knowing what the next year, next day, or even the next minute will bring, I am thankful for the moment I have now. And even more thankful that I was able to recognize it, and savor it.
Happy moments, everyone!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Santa Is Gonna Have A Hard Time This Year
My daughter wants a girl dog. She wants Santa to bring it to my house, but then, we are supposed to take right away to Daddy's house, so that his dog has a new friend. Um...
My son wants a brother. He knows I can't have any more children, so he wants Santa to bring one. Um...
My son wants a brother. He knows I can't have any more children, so he wants Santa to bring one. Um...
Thursday, December 13, 2007
In The News
My gorgeous boy was in the newspaper yesterday.
There is a tradition of the Principal of the elementary school reading each class a story on the day they trim the school's Christmas tree. However, this new principal likes to sing. So instead of reading a story, he sang to each class.
In the small town where we live, this is newsworthy. Ok, so it's 7th page of the 2nd section newsworthy, but newsworthy none-the-less.
A picture of the principal singing to some 1st graders was featured, and lo and behold, there was the most gorgeous MIT (man in training) I've ever seen. Should I be concerned that he appeared to be checking out the blonde sitting across from him rather than listening to the music?
Actually, the part I was more concerned about was that the principal sang the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause", which is actually one of my favorite Christmas songs ever. BUT (there's always a but isn't there?) is this the best song for this audience? How many of these kids are from broken homes where the only man momma is kissing is someone other than their father? (mine included) What about the fact that our children are growing up so much faster, questioning so much sooner, there is already doubt in my son that the Tooth Fairy is real - and he's questioning Santa, too.
So, in my typically over-analytical mind... Momma is either kissing some other man, who is in fact Santa, so momma is cheating... or momma isn't cheating, but then who the heck is Santa?
Aw, hell, who cares? My little boy is famous!
There is a tradition of the Principal of the elementary school reading each class a story on the day they trim the school's Christmas tree. However, this new principal likes to sing. So instead of reading a story, he sang to each class.
In the small town where we live, this is newsworthy. Ok, so it's 7th page of the 2nd section newsworthy, but newsworthy none-the-less.
A picture of the principal singing to some 1st graders was featured, and lo and behold, there was the most gorgeous MIT (man in training) I've ever seen. Should I be concerned that he appeared to be checking out the blonde sitting across from him rather than listening to the music?
Actually, the part I was more concerned about was that the principal sang the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause", which is actually one of my favorite Christmas songs ever. BUT (there's always a but isn't there?) is this the best song for this audience? How many of these kids are from broken homes where the only man momma is kissing is someone other than their father? (mine included) What about the fact that our children are growing up so much faster, questioning so much sooner, there is already doubt in my son that the Tooth Fairy is real - and he's questioning Santa, too.
So, in my typically over-analytical mind... Momma is either kissing some other man, who is in fact Santa, so momma is cheating... or momma isn't cheating, but then who the heck is Santa?
Aw, hell, who cares? My little boy is famous!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
On Saturday I went to the state-mandated class on parenting while divorcing. (Otherwise known as "How to Screw Up Your Children For The Rest Of Their Life 101.") T went to the class the previous week. When I asked him (still trying to be friendly!) how his class went, the first thing he told me was, "You're going to love this... you're not supposed to date for two years." I'm so glad that *this* was what he learned - that *I* wasn't supposed to be dating for two years. The other thing he got out of the class was that we should tell the kids together that we were getting divorced (more on that one later).
I went to the class. Did I ever hear that I wasn't supposed to be dating? Nope. In fact, I heard the opposite - they told us to go out, date, create a new life with new traditions for yourself. I was there with my friend, TGD, and she heard the same thing. We (TGD) and I talked about it, and we think T got the 2-year thing from the part that explained that it takes about 2 years to get all the way through the grief process for a divorce. However, T might have missed the other two key parts - that it starts when you actually start thinking about ending the marriage (which for me was 3 years ago) and that the person who files the paperwork (again, me) is usually at the end of the process.
So the point of this long and rambling story is actually (shocking, I know) yet another question. Did Troy get out of the class only what he was looking to hear? Did I do the same thing? Did TGD who is also in a relationship hear what I heard because she wanted to?
Do we all just hear what we want? When in an argument with someone are we just filtering through what the other person is saying to find kernals of information that will validate our own feelings? Can we ever be truly open-minded? In my own case, I find that I'm not really likely to change my mind to someone else's way of thinking in the course of a discussion. However, let it sink in long enough, let me marinate in it for a while, and I might just come around to your way of thinking. Perhaps that is true of most of us. To be honest, I hope so.
Oh, and back to the telling the kids about the divorce together, thing. I think what the class was getting at was that when you split up, you're supposed to give the kids a reason why and do it together. We did that. However, I don't think it's necessary to sit down with them again, and tell them that "we have filed the paperwork for dissolution of marriage". I know I'm not a child expert, but I do think that children ask the questions they are ready to hear answers to. I have always promised to answer every question they ask, whether or not I'm ready. For now, I think that's enough.
I went to the class. Did I ever hear that I wasn't supposed to be dating? Nope. In fact, I heard the opposite - they told us to go out, date, create a new life with new traditions for yourself. I was there with my friend, TGD, and she heard the same thing. We (TGD) and I talked about it, and we think T got the 2-year thing from the part that explained that it takes about 2 years to get all the way through the grief process for a divorce. However, T might have missed the other two key parts - that it starts when you actually start thinking about ending the marriage (which for me was 3 years ago) and that the person who files the paperwork (again, me) is usually at the end of the process.
So the point of this long and rambling story is actually (shocking, I know) yet another question. Did Troy get out of the class only what he was looking to hear? Did I do the same thing? Did TGD who is also in a relationship hear what I heard because she wanted to?
Do we all just hear what we want? When in an argument with someone are we just filtering through what the other person is saying to find kernals of information that will validate our own feelings? Can we ever be truly open-minded? In my own case, I find that I'm not really likely to change my mind to someone else's way of thinking in the course of a discussion. However, let it sink in long enough, let me marinate in it for a while, and I might just come around to your way of thinking. Perhaps that is true of most of us. To be honest, I hope so.
Oh, and back to the telling the kids about the divorce together, thing. I think what the class was getting at was that when you split up, you're supposed to give the kids a reason why and do it together. We did that. However, I don't think it's necessary to sit down with them again, and tell them that "we have filed the paperwork for dissolution of marriage". I know I'm not a child expert, but I do think that children ask the questions they are ready to hear answers to. I have always promised to answer every question they ask, whether or not I'm ready. For now, I think that's enough.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Happy Birthday to...
Anyone but me!
I love birthdays, I really do. Every one but my own.
Yesterday we celebrated D's birthday in a very low-key style. Dinner with the kids, a present or two, and a blueberry cheesecake at the request of the honoree. On Saturday, his birthday continues with his family coming over for a nice dinner to celebrate.
Tomorrow marks another very special day. A very good friend of mine is celebrating her birthday tomorrow. Unfortunately, she's about 800 miles away, so I won't be able to celebrate with her. But happy birthday anyway, Alienbody!
People's birthdays stick in my head. October 7, December 15, September 9, October 15, March 9, February 18 - these are all birthdays of friends of mine - some of whom, I haven't seen in person for over 15 years!
I love to celebrate other people's birthdays. I often get accused of "going too far" - but when I can share in the recognition of Someone Else's birthday, I want to - as much as possible.
So why is it that I don't get as excited about my own birthday? Mine's now a month away. All I can think is "so what"? I've had some fun birthdays, but usually they've passed pretty much without any fanfare or (in some cases) even acknowledgement! Last year, my parents forgot my birthday for a couple of days. Now, at the time, my mom was fighting, really fighting just to make it another day, and my dad was right there with her, so no, the fact that they didn't call, was not held against them. In fact, when my dad *did* call, it was one of those rare times when he showed emotion towards me. That call will probably roam around in my memories for the rest of my birthdays.
I think the reason that my own birthdays fall short is that I tend to use them as a report card for the past year. How did I do on my journey? What positive changes did I make? What negative ones.
This has been a big year for change for me. Maybe this year, I should celebrate. Maybe this year, I'll recognize how far I've come, and I won't be disappointed.
I love birthdays, I really do. Every one but my own.
Yesterday we celebrated D's birthday in a very low-key style. Dinner with the kids, a present or two, and a blueberry cheesecake at the request of the honoree. On Saturday, his birthday continues with his family coming over for a nice dinner to celebrate.
Tomorrow marks another very special day. A very good friend of mine is celebrating her birthday tomorrow. Unfortunately, she's about 800 miles away, so I won't be able to celebrate with her. But happy birthday anyway, Alienbody!
People's birthdays stick in my head. October 7, December 15, September 9, October 15, March 9, February 18 - these are all birthdays of friends of mine - some of whom, I haven't seen in person for over 15 years!
I love to celebrate other people's birthdays. I often get accused of "going too far" - but when I can share in the recognition of Someone Else's birthday, I want to - as much as possible.
So why is it that I don't get as excited about my own birthday? Mine's now a month away. All I can think is "so what"? I've had some fun birthdays, but usually they've passed pretty much without any fanfare or (in some cases) even acknowledgement! Last year, my parents forgot my birthday for a couple of days. Now, at the time, my mom was fighting, really fighting just to make it another day, and my dad was right there with her, so no, the fact that they didn't call, was not held against them. In fact, when my dad *did* call, it was one of those rare times when he showed emotion towards me. That call will probably roam around in my memories for the rest of my birthdays.
I think the reason that my own birthdays fall short is that I tend to use them as a report card for the past year. How did I do on my journey? What positive changes did I make? What negative ones.
This has been a big year for change for me. Maybe this year, I should celebrate. Maybe this year, I'll recognize how far I've come, and I won't be disappointed.
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